Of all relationships you have in your life, be it with friends or family, a romantic relationship is the most special. You expect the most from it and you give the most in it. In spite of all you give and all you receive, you still have so many complaints from each other. You have so many fights and so many disagreements. To help you out in having a healthier relationship here are a few suggestions from my personal experience.
Solve problems without a third party
Every relationship has its share of fights. How you resolve your fight is of utmost importance, much more than how important the matter of fight was. If you bring in other people to resolve your fights, it is a red flag. Whether it be friends or family, do not take your unresolved issues to any third person. That is the first rule.
Reason one is because they don’t know this relationship as well as you do and two, they may find their own interest or may carry their own burdens in their suggestions.
Don’t compare your relationship with those in books and movies
This is one mistake that most of us make. Growing up we admire some Mr or Ms. Perfect from one of our favorite novels or perhaps a movie and then start imagining our life partner to be like them. You see the beautiful love stories and wish yours would turn out the same. You choose a partner that you think is like them and later in the relationship you realize they are not. The problem arises when you expect them to become the fictional character that you were in love with.
Shake yourself and realize, those were fictional characters created by storytellers so that you would love their stories. Such people don’t exist and nor do perfect relationships. The extra romantic and flawless relationships are just a work of fiction. In real life, you will fight, sometimes you will want the kill each other but the beauty lies in the fact that you still will want to live with each other.
My husband says, ‘ Marry the person you can fight with your entire life and still be together.’ Though I hated this when he said it to me for the first time, I can’t agree more today.
Give each other space
Give each other the space to be themselves. Give them space to do what they love to do and allow them to spend their time as they wish to. Different interests and lifestyles mean more clashing if you want to stick around all the time with your partner. It is ok to do things separately. If you like reading while your partner loves to watch movies, it is absolutely ok. You are allowed to spend your leisure time without clinging to each other sometimes. It is good to spend time together but it isn’t necessary to always do that.
Most people suggest communicating well and no doubt that is extremely important for couples but to have a healthier relationship, it is more important to listen. Listen to each other’s stories, even when they don’t interest you. Your partner should always know that they have a safe space to go. No matter what’s good and what’s bad in the world there is one place where you can be you and no one is judging you.
In my opinion: If your partner thinks of you every time they have anything to say, then you have won. You have won at giving them the safe space and becoming the comfort of your partner.
Eat atleast one meal together
No matter how busy your days are, have at least one meal together. For most of us, we cannot have lunch together because of our work engagements, but breakfast or dinner together can be turning points. Having that time with each other where you can talk about your days and about further plannings can give you the ultimate communication you have been missing. Make a point to not talk about controversial topics at this time. Keep your conversations pleasant. If you don’t have much in common to talk about someday, watch a light comedy show like The Big Bang Theory, FRIENDS, Sarabhai vs Sarabhai, Sumit Sambhal Lega ( these are some of my personal favorites).
Another suggestion is to eat from the same plate. Though it may not seem to make a difference, trust me it does. ( unless you are having 2 different meals)
Understand the power of physical intimacy
Whether it is to resolve a fight or to express your love, physical intimacy can be the master key. Physical Intimacy doesn’t always mean having sex. A gentle touch, a kiss, or a hug, all are forms of physical intimacy. Physical intimacy is about the closeness between your bodies and the comfort you feel in them. A long hug gives you a release of oxytocin, increasing your feelings of love and trust towards each other. Hugs and cuddles are also said to reduce your stress, pain and also reduce the cravings for alcohol or any other substance abuse.
Find one common activity that both of you like
Most couples I have seen, try to highlight the ways they are different. Our food habits don’t match, our hobbies don’t match, our lifestyle is different or our life purpose is different. So, wake up. Your partner is a different person. If you wanted a person who is exactly like you then you should have cloned yourself to date with. Every person is different and so is your partner.
So to create that intimacy and spend some quality time together, find one activity that you can do together. Like me and my partner, we are poles apart in many aspects of our lives but the thing that is common is we love going on long bike rides and we love traveling. Every now and then even if it’s just for 2 days we go someplace away from our busy city life and enjoy a relaxing vacation. It refreshes both of us.
Following these 7 suggestions can bring about major changes in your relationship. Do let me know your experiences when you apply them.