“Hi, I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”

“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”

“When I was younger, I started using humor as a defense mechanism.”

“I’m a gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I’ve missed the last twelve hundred times.”

“Until I was 25, I thought that the only response to ‘I love you’ Was ‘Oh, damn!”

“Oh, that makes me feel so warm in my hollow, tin chest.”

“I’m hopeless and awkward and desperate for love!”

“It’s always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.”

“What must it be like not to be crippled by fear and self-loathing?”

“We swallow our feelings, even if it means we’re unhappy forever. Sound good?”